Marcos Diary Entry: The Blackout Beat Anthology, A Celebration of Armando and Marcos’ Work Up Until Now

What a month it has been!  The year has brought challenge after challenge and May has already proved to be some sort of insane endurance round, pushing mind, body, wallets and relationships to their limits. Luckily for me I came up with an idea during a shower,  that I was able to work on in small pieces, which has done wonders to keep my sanity in tact.   In many ways I felt like I was stuck in a standstill, paralyzed in inactivity as I tried to complete Emmett’s project, outline a book project I started all, while putting a set together for a new show and working at a school for 50 hours during the week.  I understandably ran out of creative juice and decided to take a step back before taking so many forward. Listening to the first Circus House album also led me to decision to start this project.  Not hearing that record for so long allowed me to hear it with fresh ears.  I was proud of it, proud of what Armando had envisioned.  I then began listening to our entire catalog.  I became inspired to do something to celebrate the work we had done. Each song, each beat told two stories.  One is the one that the song is written about, the other is the one that only Armando, I and the artists we worked with experienced at the time we created the song.  That is what really means the most to me about this project. It’s both humbling and overwhelming to think about everything we have been through while chasing this dream: leaving Pueblo for more opportunity and a bigger stage, our first commercial recording studio, the studios that followed, all the artists we worked with, the performances, the highs, the breakdowns, the parties, dances, beats, recording sessions, press and all the unexpected developments.   Above all else, Armando and I both went through our own personal and creative evolutions.  For me this included redefining what it means to be successful. The process for putting this project together was different than anything I’ve done before since the songs were already made.  I had to start by going through our catalog and pulling the best song and highlighting my favorite parts.  Initially I wanted to do each songs in chronological order, but eventually I decided against this because it was so much more fun to blend songs that would have never been heard back to back before, like a Juan Alvarez song and a Circus House song. The transitions, effects, song order and energy level are all the building blocks that I’ve used to weave our entire catalog into one continuous mix that tells the story of our creative journey.  Well not all of it, just about 10 years of it. It did take a lot of work and creative energy to complete The Blackout Anthology Mixtape EP but in a weird way it also recharged me so that I could complete the other projects I took a break from.  Now that I’m about two weeks away from releasing this free project I’ve already begun mapping out the songs, sets and new concepts for current and future projects. To help build excitement for the release of The Blackout Beat Anthology, I’ve been posting pictures and video clips with captions that tell the story of The  Blackout Beat.  It’s a personal marketing tactic for a projects that’s personal to me.  As we get closer I plan on ramping it up some cool video stuff and a very special event that no one dare miss.  And I mean that, if there is one Blackout Beat show to see it will be The Blackout Beat Anthology show, and not for reasons that are immediately obvious. More updates this week. -m

Marcos Diary Entry: 12.4.2014: Messiah Complex – My Experience Thus Far as an Artist and Educator

Most important lesson ever.

I though I had just been tired after not getting back into a normal sleep cycle after Thanksgiving break, but it’s now clear to me that I’m just emotionally worn out.  I am full of anger, anger over all the nationwide injustice at the hands of police.  I am not alone as countless others share my rage.  The problem is that I am not sure how to direct this energy.  I’m less faithful in peaceful protesting as I was prior to Ferguson.  Where did that get anyone the last 30 days?  I also do not want to be hasty and join the newest non minority supportive fad like the silly #alllivesmatter thing.  And like I said before, hashtags are not solutions.

My current political philosophy.

I spend the majority of time at a school Monday through Friday.  Today I realized that part of my frustration comes from the lack of conversation in respect to all of this. Nothing, teachers to students, students to students or even teacher to teacher.  As the only one who wants to talk about these things I’m left to feel like some kind of extremist. In my mind there could not be a more relevant thing to discuss, especially since the majority of our kids are likely to be profiled or to end up on the wrong side of the stick if they ever enter an altercation with an officer (statistically speaking since our student body is made up mostly of minorities).  Maybe people are afraid of rocking the boat, rustling feathers or whatever metaphor you like.  It’s never mattered to me when it comes to doing or saying what’s right and that’s why I’m glad it came up today amongst some kids.  It breaks my heart that these kids who already have it so hard are growing up in a world where we need another, more aggressive Civil Rights Movement.

In addition to the before mentioned, I’ve also been drowning under a sea of stories and moments that give me more insight into the lives my students live when they leave the school.  I used to think that loosing my mother at 14 after watching her die in my arms was as rough as it could get.  I was insanely wrong. Today I feel like young Xavier in Days of Future Past, more so than I have lately. (Everything can be an X-Men analogy to me).  Worn, beaten, a shell of a man who never lived up to his own expectations and a man haunted by all the thoughts and pain he feels when he uses his abilities.  I can’t read their minds or hear their thoughts but I can see and feel their pain, always hearing their stories in my head.  They ricochet and repeat in my mind all day long. “Love them while they are here and let them go when you go home. We can only do so much.” That’s advice a teacher I respect told me.  It’s easier said than done.  The downside of being the one that everyone wants to talk to, play with,  hang out with and be taught by, is that the kids open themselves to you, exposing their fears, pain and venerabilities.  They trust me and they look up to me.

And who am I?  That’s one of the main questions that have been staring at me, right in the face for the last few months. That answer can change depending on how I’m looking at my life that day.  Currently, I feel as though I exist as a invisible artist who has not reached anywhere near his potential.  A struggling facade of a man who works a day job that keeps him impoverished.   The questions right next to that is,  “who do I want to be?”.  It’s like I’m Logan / Wolverine in a place I don’t really feel that I fit in, belong or a place I’m not sure I want to be an extended period of time.  In my own mind, my life is a complex hive, full of departments that represent things that make me happy.  The problem is that I haven’t found a way to connect all or some of these things to create some sort of clear and tangible life that allows me to do and be exactly what I want to.  So by no means do I have things “figured out” or “together”. Perhaps these kids see something in me that I can’t see in myself?  I’m not sure, but I know that working with them has changed me.

I do not want to be a career teacher.  Let me just get that out of the way before I go on.  My heart is still in music, still in art.  I have been changed by these kids in that, I am always remind that there are fights bigger than me, struggles harder than my own, stories worse than my darkest and  that there is an infinite number of little people who are in need of motivation, inspiration and love, way more than I ever am, have been or ever will be.  So as The Blackout Beat continues to evolve, grow and in some ways simplify, I know that it has to involve some element that caters to the young underdogs and the future Marcos and Armando’s.

It’s my damn messiah complex that I have to put into check right now though.  I’m sure things will make more sense as the fog that clutters my mind and life clears up down the line.  But right now,  I want to fix everything for everyone in one fail swoop.  End racial inequality, find those Mexican students, avenge their deaths, fix every broken home for every student I work with,  inspire them all to live up to their potential, and then fix my own life, my own career so that I may be so busy with projects I love, so happy, that I’ll never have time to even consider that I may or may not be doing what I want to.  I can’t do this though.  I probably can’t even do anything on that list but the last one.  But my mind doesn’t allow me to think that way.  It sees everything as a possibility.  It really is a double edged sword.  It’s one thing to fail when you never really believed in yourself but it’s an entirely different thing when you fail and believe with all your heart and soul that you are capable.

The funny thing about my experience as a teacher is that I sometimes feel as though I’m the one there to learn.  I’ve learned a lot about strength in the face of terrible odds.  I’ve also learned that the ability to dream as big as I did (still do) is something that is becoming a rarity.  I’ve learned that when you do see that spark in someone’s eyes, it’s your duty as a human to focus on it, nurture it like it’s your own passion.  I also learned that the definition of success is a very different thing to children.  This is crazy to me because I had to redefined it for myself after starting Blackout over 10 years ago.  But that is redefining it as young adult and then later as an older young adult, (er… I mean adult).  But, the child definition is what I am still processing.  I have a car, I can dance, draw, I play and make music, have a studio, a log, a CD, I’m on Youtube, etc.  Those are things that make me just like Pharrell, Ginuwine, Justin or Timbaland to these kids (those are the people I aspire to be like in terms of career noteriety).

So as I plow forward, always moving towards a dream that is both vivid and invisible, in pursuit of becoming the most self actualized version of Marcos there can be, I will take comfort in the fact that I am already the kind of person that is worthy of all the hugs, high fives, secret handshakes and comments like “I wanna be like you Mr. Marcos when I grow up.”

-m

Marcos Garibay: Producer, song writer, dancer, educator, X-Man and 30 year old big kid.

Check Out The New Single from The Circus House

The Circus House is back!  Check out and download their new single What A Feeling now!  More Circus Hose music and news from their new album on the way soon!

-TBB

Circus House Performs with Pretty Mouth at Goosetown

Last night The Circus House performed at Goosetown, one of Denver’s hottest new venues.  Here are a few pics from the night.  Great crowd, great venue, lots of love and great sounds.

Video: The Circus House Perform Old Star at Larimer Lounge

Check out this great performance from The Circus House at Larimer Lounge from their June 24th show!

 

Click, Click, Glow Music Video is Here!!!

Here is the music video for Click, Click, Glow!  This song is Marcos’ first single off his album, The Past is Prologue!  It features The Circus House and James Hurtado.  Please enjoy and share so we can help spread the word and excitement about this song and project 🙂

 

You can also download the song for FREE here:

Too Much (Spice Girls cover) by The Circus House

The Circus House has broken their silence with a new song!  Check out their cover to the classic Spice Girls ballad “Too Much”.  New album is on the way soon and new shows to be announced shortly!

-TBB

The Circus House Performance for The Denver Westword’s Artopia Festival

Check out some of these great pics from The Circus House’s amazing live set for The Denver Westword’s Artopia Festival at City Hall.

-TBB

New Single “Skeleton” from The Circus House is here! FREE Download!

 

New music is here!! Skelton is the newest single by The Circus House.  Single available as free download now.  Check out http://www.facebook.com/thecircushouse and http://www.theblackoutbeat.com for more!  The entire electro pop album will be available on 10/22/13.

FREE Song Friday: Faith in My Footsteps (new Circus House!)

Faith in My Footsteps

The day has finally come!  The new single off the soon to be released Circus House album, Flesh and Bones titled Faith in My Footsteps is ready for you to download!  Enjoy and please spread the word!

-m